When I learnt that I was going to have twins, I sobbed my heart out from both happiness and fear. I will not forget the day I first learnt about them all my life, just like the day I held them in my arms.
Even though I now laugh about the panic I felt when I learnt we were going to have two babies all at once, I actually spent about 7 or 8 months with that feeling of panic in me.
I would not believe if they told me that being a mother was panicking right from the first moment. I tried each and every source you could think of. Listening to what my doctor says, reading books, and long searches through the Internet…
Now I realize that you cannot figure it out completely before holding your babies in your arms. It is impossible for me to describe the love and the power of motherhood I felt when they finally put Ares and Baha in my arms after a long-lasting labor.
Calm and quiet, they seemed to look me in the eye. Their smell and their presence made me forget the whole world, and my heart which had been beating for months with panic saying to myself “Can I do this?” had soothed.
But of course, when I was discharged from the hospital and got home, it was hard to get things in order and set a routine in the first few months. I gaped at them when they began crying at the same time. When I held one of them in my arms, sometimes it felt like I was being unfair to the other one.
With the help of my husband’s mother, I put things in order in time, such as breastfeeding them or changing the diapers in turn.
I can tell my boys from each other just by smelling them. I recalled and wrote about the day they were born but they are 7 months old now. I remember each and every moment of these 7 months.
Despite they are tiny little things, their personalities have already begun forming. They are identical but way different at the same time. While Ares starts crying when he is hungry, Baha is always calm and quiet.
I constantly learn something with and from them. To be honest though, I have recently begun enjoying being a mother. I could not figure out what was happening in the first 3 or 4 months. It is great to watch them grow every day and dream that they will play together.
It is an inexplicable feeling…
I feel very luck for having them.
